Think of a bad day that you had recently. Were you sick? Did you get stuck in traffic? Maybe it was the death of a loved one? Was your child hurt? Unexpected bills? Now, think of going through all of these things alone.
This was my biggest fear on May 16th 2009 as my husband entered his third deployment. This was our first deployment as husband and wife. The beginining was scary. The unknown. He stepped onto the bus with his weapon on his back. As he sat there staring out of the window with his big beautiful dark eyes I couldnt help but wonder if I would see him again. Every night I would lay in bed crying and torturing myself with what if's. A few weeks into the deployment I opened my mail box hoping to find a letter that had traveled from the other side of the world. Instead, I found a book sent to me from a North Carolina church. This "Book of Inspirational Prayers and Quotes" was accompanied by a letter. I was disappointed to say the least. I shoved the book back into the envelope and didnt touch it for weeks. One night I stumbled upon it and as I flipped the pages a quote jumped out at me:
"IT IS OUR ATTITUDE AT THE BEGINNING OF A DIFFICULT TASK WHICH , MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, WILL AFFECT IT'S SUCCESSFUL OUTCOME" -William James.
After reading that quote for the first time I wanted to slap myself. I had concentrated on the negatvies. I made a list. I guess it could be considered a pro's and con's of deployment. On one side I wrote down all of the bad things. I wrote how my heart ached to hear his voice every day. I wrote how much I hated this war. I wrote how I didnt want him harmed in any way. This half of the list was very lengthy. Finally, I begin the other half. The pro's. On this side I wrote how proud I was of my husband. I wrote how wonderful it was to be loved by this unseflish and most courageous man. That was all I wrote. I ripped up the first half of the list. Those two things were all that mattered. They were enough to get me through the remainder of the deployment.
This week we had to pack up all of my husbands gear for his next deployment. The familiar sick feelings rushed into my stomach. My head begin to spin and I started getting scared. Thinking about the imminent danger, the scarce communications, and all of the things he will miss and have to do without. Then I remembered...the list!
I will celebrate my birthday and my anniversary alone. I will go to doctors appointments, vet appointments, and change my oil alone. I will attend cookouts, weddings, and funerals alone. I will do these things with a full heart and a smile on my face because the man I chose to spend my life with chose the military before he chose me. I am among the silent ranks. I do not wear a medal for a job well done. Instead my reward is having the honor to be married to a United States Marine.
